


He loves me (this is not a love story)

by AquaMom



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Dark Romance, Drug Use Mentioned, Dubious Consent, It's dubious because he does but the conditions he agrees to, M/M, No one's alright, Not a Happy Story, Or it is if you're into that, are yeah, dark-ish fic, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-17 19:27:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18104921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaMom/pseuds/AquaMom
Summary: All Red Arrow wanted to do was save Speedy.By any means necessary.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the love of all, read the tags. It's a Dark Fic. This is a severely AU story.

It's not supposed to be like this. 

 

His friend of three years and this is how they meet again on the opposite sides of the line.  The line that skirts around the legalities and police.  Where it's easy to fall to one side or the other.  Though, he's not sure what side he's even on right now.  When he found out that he wasn't Roy Harper- not the real one- he had gone off on a quest to find the real Speedy.  All the trails had lead to dead ends and loss of friends and family but gaining one companion that seemed like it wouldn't leave him alone.  He needed it.  Ached for it, just one more hit that could keep him going for hours without feeling anything at all. To help his search. 

It ravaged his body. Took it's pound of flesh from him every time he used it.  But he'd tell himself it was worth it.  His body didn't matter, his life didn't mean anything as long as he could find him- find Speedy and restore him to his rightful place. 

As long as he could do that, he'd be at peace with whatever comes next. 

He kept telling himself that.

Right up until he's kidnapped by some Manta soldiers with a distinct dark red strip on their upper arms. He struggled- of course he did. Even though he's half coming down, he can at least fight without feeling pain but one false move- one misstep- and he's down hard on the piss-filled back alley of the docks in some city he can't even remember the name of.  He'd come here because he heard about some kind of shipment from Luthor.  He had suspected that perhaps it'd have Speedy with it. 

It had been an ambush.

"Knock him out and take him there." One of the stripped Manta soldiers said to the other, "He's expecting us."

That's when Red Arrow knew no more.  At least for a short time.  he wished oblivion had swallowed him completely because the nightmares chased him into the darkness. They're filled with people who'd been proud of him. Who said they loved him but rejected him the instant they found out.  And Speedy- Speedy's specter haunted his dreams like a restless dog behind a fence.  Reminding him that he was nothing. Everything he had?  He stole. Stole from another. That he-

It's icy cold water that breaks him out of one nightmare and into another. One where he meets him again.  He shook his head, trying to clear the haze of what had happened. To figure out whether or not he was dreaming. 

"Hello, Roy."

He's not. 

"Don't call me that." He spat. He pushed himself up to stand but found his hands were bound. "Really? Are we really going to do this?"

"Depends." His captor rested his temple against his fist, sitting in an armchair before him. "Are you going to do something foolish and attack me?"

Red Arrow tilted his head, eyes narrowed, " Thinkin' about it."

The smile sent chills down the redhead's spine. Some of it wasn't even from fear. He swallowed and looked away as the other spoke again.  

"I heard you were looking for Speedy again, Roy." Bastard insisted on using that name to refer to him. Was he always such an asshole?  Maybe.  

"And?"

"And,"  He's dragging this out. The drawl in which he said the word sounded almost exotic with that accent. Almost. "I may have found him."

Red Arrow's head snapped up, eyes widened behind the mask at the self-satisfied smug smile that played on his lips with pale sea-green eyes glittering with mirth.  He swallows again, feeling the bob of his Adam's apple as that particular feeling began to itch at him.  Had he found him?  Did Kaldur really have Speedy?

"Ah, I see I have your attention now, don't I?" Kaldur had sat up. In the time apart, the half-atlantean had grown a bit too. Filled out more than he had the last time Red Arrow saw him. The only difference here was the cut through his right eyebrow. He was dressed lightly, nothing more than a black tank and army pants. 

"Why do you have him?" Red Arrow wasn't a fool. He didn't think he was, at any rate. "Where was he? Why-"

"Enough of that." Kaldur stood and walked over to him. He reached over and undo the bindings. "We're old friends, you and I. Why shouldn't I have him?  Especially since you've wrecked your body in search of him?"  His webbed hands moved up and tilted Red Arrow's chin towards him, "So scuffy. When was the last time you've shaved, Roy?"

He pushed him back, "What do you want?" There's always a catch.  "Aren't you with the Light? With your father?"

It seemed to amuse his former friend even more. "What they do or don't do is of no concern of mine." Kaldur answered, smile still genial. "I do not care what is happening. It is not in align with my desires."

His pulse quickens, "And what would those desires be?"

At that, Kaldur turned from him and went over to what he had originally assumed was a safe but was actually a slick designed mini-fridge that held some water, among other things.  Kaldur plucked a bottle out and took a drink, taking his time to answer. Giving Red Arrow more time to watch him. Maybe it's intentional. Still when he finished, he tossed another at him, watching as Red Arrow caught it just as easily.  

"I think you know what they are, Roy."

"I told you to _stop_ calling me that!" Red Arrow growled but opened the water anyway. He doubted that Kaldur would poison him, plus he was so fucking thirsty. He took a couple of gulps before capping it again. "And no, I _don't_ know. I don't speak Asshole."

Kaldur laughed.  Gods, his laugh still brought him back to the better times. The times they were much more innocent. Even seeing the dirty underbelly of cities and the depravity that humanity could sink to, there had been a certain innocents when they rescued others. Like they were banishing the evil back to where it should be by saving others or putting the bad guys away. When everything seemed so clean cut. So black and white. Either you were on the side of good or you were just plain evil. 

Things are a lot murkier now.

He's not even sure he could call himself 'good' really. Not after what he's done. 

He could feel the slight movement of the floor, telling him he was somewhere on the water. Kaldur's home turf.  Hell, he could be in the middle of the ocean or underneath the ocean at that. There's no damn way he could save Speedy like this.  His lips pressed in a thin line, eyes narrowed even more.  

"What do you want in exchange for freeing him?"  Red Arrow knows what it might be but he wants confirmation. Even as his heart beats too loudly for his aching head. 

"Simple." Kaldur's still smiling, it goes all the way to his eyes. His eyes that told of something else. A desire that Red Arrow's seen only glimpses of. "You."

"Me?" He shouldn't be baffled. He had known- suspected- that it might've been that.  "Bullshit.  What do you really want?"

Kaldur's frowning a little, an elegant brow rose. The same expression he always used when someone was being particularly obtuse.  Red Arrow used to find it funny. 

It's not now.

"I've already answered your question."  He walked by him to the door, "I await your answer."

Red Arrow turned, "And if I don't agree?"

"Speedy will have a lovely view of the Arctic sea's wildlife." The fucker managed to look thoughtful at that. Like he put actual thought into it despite his easygoing manner. "I'm not sure how long Luthor's designed those pods to last under incredible pressure, but I'm sure we'll find out if you so wish to make that decision."  He cocked his head to the side with a slight smile, " I imagine then you could truly be Roy Harper in truth. After all, there's no original, so who would argue over the fake?"

That ...stung more than he'd like to admit. "I can't believe you're going to bargain some innocent kid's life just to get me in bed."

"I'm not."  Kaldur finally opened the door, "It's your decision. After all, I never said I wouldn't wake him for either."

"You wouldn't dare!" Red Arrow rushed the door just as it closed in his face. 

"One hour, Roy." Came the voice on the other side, "In the meantime while you ponder it over, why don't you get yourself cleaned up a bit?"

He hated this.

How did they even get here?

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

"He'll agree, you know." Maybe he shouldn't be here and being so relaxed about it all, but there's just something about confessing to a frozen teenaged amputee that just made it hard to resist coming back here.  Honestly, he's been doing this ever since he raided that temple for it's hardware and found him, among others, there.  He recognized him instantly.  And how couldn't he?  Roy was Roy.  No matter what form he may be in, he always found him.  Maybe that's a superpower in itself?  "He may not like it, but it is the best, I believe."

The monitor barely makes a sound in the storage room of the Manta Flyer.  Well, his manta flyer.  His father, in his infinite wisdom, deemed it appropriate for him to have his own ship. A particularly wondrous gift after Kaldur had handed the reigns of NEMO over to his father's control.  He had little desire for such a corporation or the running of it.  No, he had wanted his own vessel and free reign to do as he pleased.  It's a wonder, he supposed, that is father hadn't thrown him a party in celebration of such a feat.  Then again, he had left with a few men he liked and trusted and went out into the sea. 

He supposed he'll be back for the holidays. 

Still, he turned to look at Speedy- the real Roy Harper- and wondered about waking him.  For a moment he entertained the idea of turning Speedy to his side.  If he knew anything of the archer's personality or based on how Red Arrow was when they were younger, he'd assume that this one would be enraged at what happened and would seek revenge. It's just that it's unfortunate that he also knew that Speedy was innately a good person.  His bout of anger would be spent quickly enough and he'd wish to turn to good once more. 

Mores the pity.

"Hm?" Kaldur stretched his legs out, considering the pod for a while longer. As if Speedy were truly conversing with him. "I'm sure it'll be fine. He knows I'm not adverse to eating fish. It's been a joke for years, I'm certain it'll still be one in the coming years as well."  His brows rose, "Oh? That? Well, I don't necessarily need to keep you anymore, Roy. But don't fret, my friend."   He stood and placed a hand on the pod with an easy smile, "I know what I'm doing. Just do your part."

His internal clock told him that an hour was up.  

"I better check on your little brother, shouldn't I?"  He gave the pod a light pat, "I shall see you again, Roy."

He laughed, though it was a particularly good one at that. 

 

When he gets back to Red Arrow, he knows what to expect. He finds it entertaining but does the expected thing in opening the door.  He waits to see if he'll be attacked- Red Arrow wasn't the type to just sit around in his mind- but was surprised when none came.  Cautiously, he entered the room to see a more clean-shaven Red Arrow sitting in the armchair he'd previously occupied with a few nicks at his throat, but otherwise unharmed.  

"I see you've taken advantage of the amenities." Kaldur's eyes trailed down the still damp skin to the towel Red Arrow wore.  It's obvious that the search for Speedy had left its' mark on the hero's body. Too thin. Loss of muscle. The scars that usually most would barely noticed seem a stark contrast right now against how pale he'd gotten.  The bags under Red Arrow's eyes were even painful in itself as was the uneven brittleness of his shaggy hair that only seemed to get any sort of moisture from the shower he just recently took.

He looked like an absolute disaster. 

And Kaldur wanted him.

Red Arrow stood, still somewhat glaring but his stance seemed different, "Yeah, well, figured I shouldn't stink up the place more than it already has."

Kaldur felt a genuine smile ease across his face as he moved closer reaching out once more but stopped himself from touching him.  Not yet.  "Much appreciated, though I believe you also feel refreshed from it as well."

Again, he shifted his weight a little, "Yeah."  That much he allowed before looking him over again. His hand idly rubbed his other arm a bit. "So, are you going to let Speedy go?"

"Of course." Kaldur patted his shoulder moving over to the far wall. Apparently there was another hidden gem in the room. "I am a man of my word, as you so well know, Roy."

"Can you _please_ stop calling me Roy?" Red Arrow felt weary. "It's...it's not me. "

"Then what would you prefer?" Kaldur glanced over his shoulder at him,  " I believe Cheshire calls you- Red? That could be suitable enough."

"I-."  Red Arrow closed his mouth for the moment. He hadn't thought about it too deeply. "For now, sure. I guess."

"Excellent."

He could smell it before Kaldur even turned around. Food. When was the last time he had had a decent meal?  He doesn't remember- some fast food junk? A bag of chips? Air?  It takes everything in him from grabbing the tray that Kaldur held and scarfing the food down.   In fact, he congratulates himself on his self control when Kaldur pressed some invisible button he coudln't see and a chair and table slide soundlessly out from the wall.  If he wasn't being held prisoner and his friend wasn't evil, he would've appreciated the tech a lot more.   Still, he sat on the stool eyeing the bowl of chowder, well buttered toasted bread, and what looked to be- 

"Is that?"

"It is." Kaldur smirked a little, " I still recall your favorite beer."

"If you weren't so evil-" He muttered but ate anyway, almost single minded so. "God, this is so good. Who cooks?"

"I believe it's one of my soldiers- Rasheed. He's very apt at such things. Aspiring chef, really." Kaldur watched him but ate his own meal as well across from him on the bed. The table and stool were close enough to it that he could do so comfortably.  "You should try some of his cakes. It's always been quite popular."

After his stomach no longer gnawed at him, Red looked up at him.  "I don't get this."

"Pardon?"

He gestured with his spoon, " All this. I would've never had thought you'd just.. leave like that.  And over Tula."   His brows rose when Kaldur seemed to snort at that. "What? Isn't that why you defected? That's what everyone's saying."

"Hardly." Kaldur hummed a bit then sipped his own beer. Of all the vices he had, alcohol quickly became his favorite one. "That was a lie. One that I came up with Dick to try and become a mole within the organization.  It worked perfectly to gain their trust."

"So, you're actually on the good guy's team?"

"I didn't say that."

Red scowled a little, "Then what is it?"

Soft sigh, but Kaldur set his spoon down, then rested his chin on his hand, leaning against the table as if he were discussing a vaguely interesting story. "I am on my own side, Red. All those soldiers? A gift from my father to me after I handed over NEMO's organization to him. I'm free to do as I please when I please.  I behold myself to none."  He sat back up and resumed eating, " To tell the truth, I had worked a bit with Dick but I realized I risked so much for such a little return.  Honor in my nation- beg my pardon, my nation who decided that _children_ were perfect to require military service of them."  Those pale sea-green eyes seemed to harden, "Perfect for indoctrinating and ingraining that their lives for Atlantis always.  My father, Black Manta, was right about some things. He just had no clue how right he was."

"So, that's all? You could've left!" Red argued, "There wasn't a need to join your Dad if you just wanted to quit living in Atlantis!"

"Ah, but you see, that is a very surface-dweller idea."  Kaldur gestured with his empty spoon, "You would think that it would be the case. That I could simply go back to being a normal civilian and Garth could take my place."  He dipped it into the shallow chowder, "You would be wrong. Atlantis never forgets and she rarely forgives. It's a fickle country that only cares about their traditions, their royal statuses. It doesn't care about its' people much. Even so, "  He sighed once more, "after all this would've been over I would've gone to trial. I would've been imprisoned for my role. And that's highly unfair, don't you agree?  Why should I go back to a cesspool of racist, narcissistic _animals_ of Poseidonis? Chained to the whims of seven overly self-important noblemen and a ruler who could decide my fate on a whim?"  He shook his head, "No, my friend, that way is foolishness."

"And what about siding with the Light?"

"I don't side with them either.  Sometimes our interests would align, but nothing more." Kaldur shrugged, "I know what they truly seek and it's foolhardy nonsense. Even the great Atlan wouldn't have sought that answer."

Red frowned, his meal temporarily forgotten. This was good. If he ever got free in time, he could pass this along to the others.  "Answer? To what?"

Kaldur finished eating, setting his spoon down to pick up his glass and nurse the drink, "The ultimate question, Red."

"Which is?"

"What's the meaning of life?"

 For a full minute, Red just stared at him incomprehensibly before getting up and running his hand through his still wet hair and turned to him, "You've gotta be fuckin' with me on that." He let out a short laugh, "That's crazy. They're after a concept? Really?"

 Kaldur merely collected the trays and glasses then took them back to where he had gotten them. Red idly wondered how he memorized where all the hidden panels were and what they were for.  Then he'd remind himself that it's Kaldur. Of course he'd know.

"Our world is built on things that you could only dream about." Kaldur said finally having finished his task and eyed Red for a while. "Does it irritate you, Red? The poison your body is craving?

His lips thinned, "I'm fine."

"But I can see it. You want more of it, don't you?"

"So?" He turned, so he didn't have to look at him anymore. "What's it to you?"

The silence was unnerving, but being the stubborn ass he was, Red refused to look or break it. At least until he felt his presence right behind him.  The soft kiss on his right shoulder startled him enough to look back at the suddenly too close handsome face.  He frowned. 

"What're you doing, Kaldur?"

"I'm just comforting you." His hands snaked around him, he held out what looked to be a syringe filled with a clear substance. "You do understand that I don't enjoy seeing you in such distress. Here, this will help."  

"Is that-?"  Red swallowed a little seeing it. Mouth dry, he had to force himself to not reach for it. "How?"

"I'm a man of many things, now." Kaldur's voice is low, right next to his ear. "I'll give it to you, in exchange for one kiss."

"The Kaldur I know wouldn't offer this to me." Red said quietly. 

"I'm not the one you know." Came the enigmatic reply.  

Did he mean literally or figuratively?  It's hard to know in this world of theirs. It could be a different Kaldur all together or simply he'd changed- just not in the way anyone would've guessed.  It didn't matter, though.  Red knew enough that Kaldur wouldn't hurt him.  He idly licked his lips that were still chapped and dry.

"One kiss, huh?"

"Just one."

He turned. If it was just one kiss, it couldn't hurt. "Fine."

There's that smile again.  He can't tell if it's genuine or not but it doesn't matter.  He kissed him gently enough, certain that a simple press of the lips would be enough to seal the bargain.  What he hadn't expected was for Kaldur to kiss back. To coax him into parting his lips for him.  He had not expected the deep kiss that followed, that flooded his body with a heat he hadn't felt in a long while. The type of heat that made him moan, press himself more against him.  It made him forget for a moment what he was doing.   When they had to part, something he really didn't want to stop, he breathed a shuddered breath, trying to get his mind straight again. 

"When the fuck did you learn to kiss like that?"

Kaldur seemed to smile with his eyes at that, but a hunger lurked there. Suddenly, Red was extremely aware he was only in a towel. 

"A man of many talents." He let him go, and offered it to him.  "As promised."

He hesitated for a moment.  He knows he shouldn't. He knows this is legitimately the worst time to be high. And yet...

Kaldur says nothing when he takes it.  He moved away from him, his head tilted slightly to the side watching him.  The silence is once again, unnerving.  Red wished that something- anything- made noise to break it.  Instead, he stalked off to the bathroom. 

"What? Are you going to watch?" He called back, not quite as angry as he should be. 

"No." Kaldur folded his arms, leaning back slightly on his heels. "I just want to let you know that you can use this room however you like. You can roam as free as you like aboard this ship."  He paused for a moment then added. "I also wish for you to know that I love you."

Red's half listening. Probably because he was working on getting his fix and everything else seemed secondary. He idly wondered if it was completely pure.  It's always never enough or cut with something else. Stingy bastards. But if it was... 

He doesn't realize he's hit the floor after he shot himself up.  In fact, everything sounded far away and distant. This was not the drug he was familiar with. This was something else completely.  What the fuck had Kaldur given him?  It felt like his insides were burning, his lungs couldn't catch air.  Like he was literally drowning- but how? Why?

His vision blurred as he saw the blonde haired man step into the bathroom and leaned down over him.  He wants to yell at him. Scream why- why did he give him that? Was he trying to kill him?

 

It hurt, really, to see Red like this. Kaldur had wished there was a gentler way, but there wasn't.  He brushed the sweat slick hair back.  Truly, he regretted this decision but there was nothing for it.  He waited as Red's face was near purple, and then turned to his side, throwing up everything that was in him until there was nothing left.  His body shook with the force of his coughs, drenched in sweat until finally he blacked out next to the puke.  It hadn't been pretty, but it was necessary. 

For the great good, really.

Kaldur hummed softly some long forgotten lullaby and went to work gathering Red up then put him in the tub while he cleaned up the mess. He made a mental note to talk to Demetrius about the serum and whether he could curb some of the side-effects.  After all, he didn't want Red to be completely invalid when he took those doses. It should cure his body of craving that poison he was fond of, so he was told. 

He continued on, methodically cleaning up and cleaning him as well before finally he put Red to bed, tucking him in to sleep off the rest of it.  

For now, things were going according to plan. 

His internal clock told him he needed to send in a report.  It was part of the condition he made with his father. Whatever his father wanted with the Light, he was certain it will fail.  But there was no need to make it a complete defeat. 

With one last look at Red, Kaldur withdrew and went to his office.  It was times like these that he secretly wished he had destroyed the whole lot of them.  If they made themselves too much of nuisance, well... 

"I'm certain it shall not come to that." He said quietly and looked to his side, though no one was there. "Yes, I'm quite certain of that. No need to do that at all, my friend."

 

 

 


End file.
